Pulling off our masked identities to risk revealing our true selves to the world

Photo: Copyright PhotoXpress.com

Title: Professional SAHM & SAHD

Key Accomplishments:   Provide senior leadership in the collaborative and coordinated logistics; public relations; activities; security; medical treatment;  meal preparation; facility improvements, upgrades, and maintenance; budget development and administration; scheduling; goal-setting; daily instruction, and other varied functions as the need arises for the husband/wife and children I am happily responsible for.

Stay-At-Home-Moms & Dads (SAHMs & SAHDs) have no gaps in their work experience…

LifelineExtensions.blog’s theme for March, "Celebrating Women’s History Month ~ Great Women Who Make/Made It Happen;" couldn’t have come at a better time for me, personally.

I have been reading about someone I believe to be one of the greatest women from biblical times, Esther.  For me, Esther exemplified a woman who made things happen and risked her life in doing so.

Raised by her cousin after her parents had died; Esther was adored by the king of the land, who just happened to be looking for a new queen around the same time he met her.

Esther’s cousin had given her strict orders not to reveal her true identity, background, beliefs, race, or ethnicity to anyone as a way to avoid being tortured or even killed.   

This forced her to have to pretend to always be someone else to the world, even though inside she cried out to just be herself.

Her cousin, someone else truly liked by the king, had to hide his identity, as well.   

 But, when he uncovered a deadly plan that had been made to murder the king; he knew he had to do something about it. 

So, he went to his cousin, Esther; and asked her to break the news to the king, who by now would respond to practically anything Esther told him.

In what probably seemed like a split second, Esther had to make a tough decision:

Did she take off the “mask” she'd been wearing in order to “save face” and not allow people to get to know and understand who she really was?   

Or, did she risk pulling off the mask that had been on for so long, and possibly be mocked, tortured, ostracized, or perhaps killed as a result of her action?

Esther chose the high road, which can at times be the most risk-filled road to take. 

She knew there were so many other people who were depending on her lone decision to help decide their own fate, so she bravely told the king of the plan that had been set to destroy him.

In doing so, Esther and her cousin were both promoted to even higher levels within the king’s court because of his gratitude about being loyal to the king.

But perhaps more importantly, through Esther's brave and true leadership she demonstrated to others who trusted her; that in order to rise to the level of their full potential in life they could and should expect to sometimes get out of their comfort zones, risk being unpopular, and pull off the masks they may have become comfortable wearing.

Celebrating Women’s History Month…pulling off our masked identities to reveal our true selves to the world!

Stephanie Evans
Professional SAHM

Stephanie Evans and her husband, Bill, live in New Jersey with their three daughters who are ages five, three, and one.  Stephanie has a B.S. degree in Music Education and taught Music for 11 years in the public school system.  She loves children and enjoyed being a teacher, but she loves being a SAHM even more!  Stephanie is a regular Contributing Writer for LifelineExtensions.blog.

Sharon M. Biggs, M.A., is a wife, mother, and 21st Century educational leader who serves as Co-Chair & President of Lifeline Foundation, Inc.  This 23-year educator is also Founder, Editor, and Chief Writer of LifelineExtensions.blog. 

View Sharon's other published works at http://www.examiner.com/.

Contact Sharon directly for more information: sharonbiggs@mylifelinefoundation.org

"Children are the globe's most precious commodity."
(Terence H. Biggs, Jr. ~ 2009)

Determined to make a change for good

Title: Professional SAHM & SAHD

Key Accomplishments:   Provide senior leadership in the collaborative and coordinated logistics; public relations; activities; security; medical treatment;  meal preparation; facility improvements, upgrades, and maintenance; budget development and administration; scheduling; goal-setting; daily instruction, and other varied functions as the need arises for the husband/wife and children I am happily responsible for.

Stay-At-Home-Moms & Dads (SAHMs & SAHDs) have no gaps in their work experience…

We sometimes find ourselves wishing things were different.

Wishing all towns would be more responsive to having carefully paved sidewalks so kids can walk safely around our neighborhoods. 

Wishing policy makers would grant more financial aid to our schools so they could better reach goals they set for student achievement and teacher performance. 

Wishing our schools would provide even greater opportunities for our children. 

Wishing we had more hours in the day to accomplish everything in our busy schedules.  

                                                                                                                             Photo: Copyright http://www.frederickdouglass.org/douglass_bio.html

But, sometimes instead of using all of our resources to contact people who can help start making changes; we sit around wishing and thinking about how great things would be "if only..."

Then we read about the life of determined individuals like Frederick Douglass, and we feel somewhat convicted about sitting around wishing other people would make our lives easier…our already relatively easy lives compared to the life Mr. Douglass lived.

Born in a slave cabin in February 1818, Frederick Douglass was separated from his mother as an infant and raised by his grandparents.  He was abandoned at the age of six, and at the age of eight he was sent away to live as a houseboy with the relatives of his slave master.

But, little Frederick developed a love of reading and writing, and his slave mistress began teaching him the alphabet.  When the slave master found out his wife was teaching Frederick to read, he forced her to stop.

That didn’t hinder Frederick because he was determined to learn on his own.  He would give away his food to the neighborhood boys in exchange for reading and writing lessons.

With a determined will to succeed in life, Mr. Douglass was guided by three key principles that allowed him to enjoy many significant accomplishments; among which was the role he played as one of President Abraham Lincoln’s most trusted advisors. 

We can all make a change for good by following Frederick Douglass’s three keys for success in life: 

1.       Believe in yourself.

2.       Seize every opportunity.

3.       Use the power of spoken and written language to effect positive change for yourself and for society.

Stephanie Evans
Professional SAHM

Stephanie Evans and her husband, Bill, live in New Jersey with their three daughters who are ages five, three, and one.  Stephanie has a B.S. degree in Music Education and taught Music for 11 years in the public school system.  She loves children and enjoyed being a teacher, but she loves being a SAHM even more!  Stephanie is a regular Contributing Writer for LifelineExtensions.blog.

Sharon M. Biggs, M.A., is a wife, mother, and 21st Century educational leader who serves as Co-Chair & President of Lifeline Foundation, Inc.  This 23-year educator is also Founder, Editor, and Chief Writer of LifelineExtensions.blog.  View Sharon's other published works at www.examiner.com.

Contact Sharon directly for more information:  sharonbiggs@mylifelinefoundation.org

"Children are the globe's most precious commodity."
(Terence H. Biggs, Jr. ~ 2009)

Helping young children appreciate what they have

                                                                                                                  Photo: Copyright PhotoXpress.com

Title:  Professional SAHM or SAHD

Key Accomplishments:   Provide senior leadership in the collaborative and coordinated logistics; public relations; activities; security; medical treatment;  meal preparation; facility improvements, upgrades, and maintenance; budget development and administration; scheduling; goal-setting; daily instruction, and other varied functions as the need arises for the husband or wife and children I am happily responsible for.

Stay-At-Home-Moms & Stay-At-Home-Dads (SAHMs & SAHDs) have no gaps in their work experience…

I often find myself wondering how I can help my children appreciate what they have and how we can instill a sense of gratitude in them.  For children who have all of their basic needs met, this can be a real challenge.  Sure, they say thank you; but how do we help them truly be thankful?

Someone recently wrote about five ways to encourage gratitude.

The first way, “Share something happy,” is one of my personal favorites:  “My daughter and I have a tradition we borrowed from a sweet picture book called Tell Me Something Happy Before I Go To Sleep, and each night as we're snuggling under the covers we take turns sharing good things about our day and good things we're looking forward to in the future.  It's a great way to end the night.”

Such a simple and easy thing to do and it helps everyone go to sleep with smiles on their faces.

Warmest wishes for a happy, safe, and healthy Thanksgiving!

Regards,
Stephanie

Stephanie Evans
Professional SAHM


Stephanie Evans and her husband, Bill, live in New Jersey with their three daughters who are ages five, three, and one.  Stephanie has a B.S. degree in Music Education and taught Music for 11 years in the public school system.  She loves children and enjoyed being a teacher, but she loves being a SAHM even more!

Photo: Copyright PhotoXpress.com

Sharon M. Biggs, M.A., is a wife, mother, and 21st Century educational leader who serves as Co-Chair & President of Lifeline Foundation, Inc.  This 23-year educator is also Founder, Editor, and Chief Writer of LifelineExtensions.blog.  View Sharon's other published works at www.examiner.com.

Contact Sharon directly for more information: sharonbiggs@mylifelinefoundation.org

"Children are the globe's most precious commodity."
(Terence H. Biggs, Jr. ~ 2009)

That SAHM I am! That SAHM I am!

Title:  Professional SAHM  (or SAHD) 

Key Accomplishments:   Provide senior leadership in the collaborative and coordinated logistics; public relations; activities; security; medical treatment;  meal preparation; facility improvements, upgrades, and maintenance; budget development and administration; scheduling; goal-setting; daily instruction, and other varied functions as the need arises for the husband (or wife) and children I am happily responsible for.

Stay-At-Home-Moms (SAHMs) and Stay-at-Home-Dads (SAHDs) have no gaps in their work experience…

Traditions

With the holiday season approaching, family traditions have been on my mind.

The family traditions I’m about to talk about might not be talked about on the evening news.  But holiday traditions aren't about what other people want to hear; they're about the special and memorable moments shared with your family.

Growing up, our holiday traditions focused on food. 

Halloween was about how much candy you got.  Thanksgiving was about stuffing yourself silly, napping, and then eating lots of desserts.  Christmas included a special dinner the night before and a huge breakfast after opening mounds of gifts on Christmas morning. 

I have fond memories of these holiday traditions, but we don't want our children to think holidays revolve around food or getting presents.  We’re always looking for ways to involve them in helping those in need, and focusing more on the giving aspect so that giving becomes natural for them.

Photo: Copyright PhotoXpress.com

"It's better to give than to receive" is not a natural thought for some people, but when we practice giving we feel a sense of inner-contentment knowing we’ve done something good for another person.

When my husband and I got married, I found out that my in-laws serve at a soup kitchen on Christmas Day every year.  They not only help those in need early in the day, but later in the day they get their three children, two daughters-in-law, one son-in-law and seven grandchildren to themselves for uninterrupted family time.  Our kids are still very young, but we’re hoping when they’re a little older we, too, can become involved in some type of charitable work on Christmas Day. 

What family traditions have you started with your own families, or maybe enjoyed when you were growing up?  Post a comment if you can and share your ideas with us.  Speak with you next month.

Stephanie Evans

Professional SAHM

Stephanie Evans and her husband, Bill, live in New Jersey with their three daughters who are ages five, three, and one.  Stephanie has a B.S. degree in Music Education and taught Music for 11 years in the public school system.  She loves children and enjoyed being a teacher, but she loves being a SAHM even more!

 Sharon M. Biggs, M.A., is a wife, mother, and 21st Century educational leader who serves as Co-Chair & President of Lifeline Foundation, Inc.  This 23-year educator is also Founder, Editor, and Chief Writer of LifelineExtensions.blog. View Sharon's other published works at www.examiner.com.

Contact Sharon directly for more information: sharonbiggs@mylifelinefoundation.org

"Children are the globe's most precious commodity."  (Terence H. Biggs, Jr. ~ 2009)

That SAHM I am! That SAHM I am! Back-to-School Thoughts

Title: Professional SAHM & SAHD 

Key Accomplishments:   Provide senior leadership in the collaborative and coordinated logistics; public relations; activities; security; medical treatment;  meal preparation; facility improvements, upgrades, and maintenance; budget development and administration; scheduling; goal-setting; daily instruction, and other varied functions as the need arises for the husband/wife and children I am happily responsible for.

Stay-At-Home-Moms & Dads (SAHMs & SAHDs) have no gaps in their work experience…

                                                               Photo:  Copyright PhotoXpress.com

My oldest daughter started kindergarten this month.

This is a whole new experience for all of us. While I'm glad to have a more consistent daily routine, I'm still not sure how I feel about her being away from us for 6 1/2+ hours each weekday.

Yes. I’m a new kindergarten mom.

A mom friend whose youngest also started kindergarten this year said she’s learned from her older children’s experiences that she should look at all of the new experiences her daughter is getting, instead of what she (the mom) may think she’s missing out on by not having her at home.

I'm thankful that my daughter loves school. She adores her teacher, is making friends, and goes to school and comes home happy each day.

Photo: Copyright PhotoXpress.com

But, in talking with other moms who are either new school moms like me, or they’ve already been down this road; there are a few things kindergarten parents seem to want and need from our school-based partners:

• Please remember that some parents have more than one school-aged child with emergency contact     paperwork needing to be completed. Getting this in digital form with the ability to list each child on one form would be great.

• We know things are checked and re-checked before being sent home, but please help us by making sure there isn’t conflicting information on a single document, etc.; and running additional spell-checks and grammar-checks is a good idea.

• If at all possible, kindergarten parents would probably enjoy speaking with the teacher for 5 minutes by phone before Back-to-School Night. So many questions to ask about so many new things…

Meanwhile, my three year old started preschool this month. She goes two days a week for 2 1/2 hours. While I also have mixed feelings about that arrangement, I must admit I'm looking forward to grocery shopping and running other errands with just my 15 month old.

I now know what my relatives and friends with older children mean when they say they feel as if they’re always in the car taking someone to an extra-curricular activity. In addition to school, my older two are also taking ballet once a week, and the kindergartener is playing soccer one hour a week for 10 weeks.

It feels busy, but I manage to accomplish more when I'm busier. Each day goes like this:

CCRRAAAAAAAAZZYY - caaaalm - CCRRAAAAAAAAZZYY - caaaalm -CCRRAAAAAAAAZZYY - caaaalm.

Then I talk to moms with older children and realize this really is calm compared to how it's going to be in five years or more. Parents with older children always tell Bill and me, "enjoy this time, it goes by too fast."

                                                                                                                                Photo:Copyright PhotoXpress.com

I believe that, so I'm working on living in the moment and just enjoying where I am and who I'm with at that moment.  Speak with you again in October.

Stephanie Evans
Professional SAHM

Stephanie Evans and her husband, Bill, live in New Jersey with their three daughters who are ages five, three, and one.  Stephanie has a B.S. degree in Music Education and taught Music for 11 years in the public school system.  She loves children and enjoyed being a teacher, but she loves being a SAHM even more!  Stephanie is a regular Contributing Writer for LifelineExtensions.blog.

**********************************************************************************

LifelineExtensions.blog
Sharon M. Biggs, M.A., is a wife, mother, and 21st Century educational leader who serves as Co-Chair & President of Lifeline Foundation, Inc.  This 23-year educator is also Founder, Editor, and Chief Writer of LifelineExtensions.blog. View Sharon's other published works at http://www.examiner.com/.

Contact Sharon directly for more information: sharonbiggs@mylifelinefoundation.org

"Children are the globe's most precious commodity."  (Terence H. Biggs, Jr. ~ 2009)

That SAHM I am! Back-to-School Sept. 2009...

Title: Professional SAHM (or SAHD)

Key Accomplishments: Provide senior leadership in the collaborative and coordinated logistics; public relations; activities; security; medical treatment; meal preparation; facility improvements, upgrades, and maintenance; budget development and administration; scheduling; goal-setting; daily instruction, and other varied functions as the need arises for the husband (or wife) and children I am happily responsible for.

Stay-At-Home-Moms (SAHMs) and Stay-at-Home-Dads (SAHDs) have no gaps in their work experience…

Back to School

I think many parents might find back-to-school a bittersweet time of year.

There's the hustle and bustle of back-to-school shopping the weeks before that anticipated first day; there's (as some of my friends have shared) looking forward to the summertime sibling rivalry ceasing, even if only for a few hours a day; the children's excitement as they meet new friends and teachers, and the list goes on.

For us, school starts this coming week for our 5 year old entering Kindergarten (I think I'm more nervous than she is), and next week for our 3 year old who starts nursery school on a part-time basis each week.

Part of my back-to-school excitement has included potty training my 3 year old, who, until this week, has had no interest whatsoever in using the potty.

She would all but throw a temper tantrum when I would cheerfully say:
"C'mon! Let's go use the potty!!!"

Thankfully this week she's used the potty successfully three times in one day!

Just as I was thinking about what to write for this week's blog, I got an e-mail from my cousin. Normally I don’t read those “Fwd” e-mails, and I certainly don’t forward them; but this one seems to be so appropriate for this transitional and busy time of year.

So here goes…

Mayonnaise Jar & Two Sodas...©

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 golf balls.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him.

When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar.

He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous 'yes.'

The professor then produced two sodas from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

“Now," said the professor as the laughter subsided; “I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.”

"The golf balls are the important things---your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions---and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full."

"The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car."

"The sand is everything else---the small stuff. If you put the sand into the jar first,” he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.”

"The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you."

'Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.

Spend time with your children.
Spend time with your parents.
Visit with grandparents.

Take time to get medical checkups.

Take your spouse out to dinner.

Play another 18.'

"There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.Take care of the golf balls first---the things that really matter. Set your priorities.The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired about what the sodas represented.

The professor smiled and said, “I'm glad you asked.”

“The sodas just show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of sodas with a friend.”

Stephanie Evans
Professional SAHM


Stephanie Evans and her husband, Bill, live in New Jersey with their three daughters who are ages five, three, and one. Stephanie has a B.S. degree in Music Education and taught Music for 11 years in the public school system. She loves children and enjoyed being a teacher, but she loves being a SAHM even more!

That SAHM I am! That SAHM I am!

Title: Professional SAHM

Key Accomplishments: Provide senior leadership in the collaborative and coordinated logistics; public relations; activities; security; medical treatment; meal preparation; facility improvements, upgrades, and maintenance; budget development and administration; scheduling; goal-setting; daily instruction, and other varied functions as the need arises for the husband and children I am happily responsible for.

Stay-At-Home-Moms (SAHMs) have no gaps in their work experience…

Below are two links my husband e-mailed me this week.

http://www.rd.com/living-healthy/bubble-babies/article150007.html

http://blog.doctormebook.com/2007/07/25/irresponsible-ant-trap-user-list.aspx

The first link had me in tears from laughing so hard, and the second one he sent because just this week my 14 month old was crawling around on the kitchen floor and discovered an ant trap all by herself.

I could relate to both of the article because when my oldest was just one month old, I swallowed some mouthwash (no more than the amount used for regular rinsing); but I was nursing the baby and thought for sure I'd ruin my child for life if I nursed her with mouthwash in my breastmilk!

Of course, I was assured that all was okay, but I went to work pumping out as much of my milk as I could before dumping it down the drain just to be on the safe side for my baby's sake.

As parents, we can literally drive ourselves crazy by being hyper-concerned about safety issues despite the fact that we are careful, watchful, and mindful of what our children are doing as much of the time as humanly possible.

Not one of us ever wants to even think that our children's safety might be in danger, or that they may become injured or harmed in any way. We would rather take the hit if there has to be one.

Sadly, we will hear of freak accidents far more than we'd like to admit; and these childhood accidents always seem to make us "think, and rethink, and overthink" simply because we care so much about our children and want them to always be healthy, well and safe.

But, the reality is that as much as we try to be bionic parents who have everything completely covered and under control 24-7, we just can't always prevent accidents from happening.

Just as quickly as our children dart around, minor -- and unfortunately sometimes major --accidents can happen.

This does not mean we're bad or negligent parents. It means that we're human parents. As long as we respond correctly and move quickly to comfort and care for a child who has had an accident, we are indeed doing what any wise, good and loving parent would do.

I'm trying to remember how blessed I am to have my little ones, who short of the occasional bump or bruise, are all healthy living and breathing children. Keeping this in mind helps me avoid going crazy thinking about all of the "what ifs" that really are not under my control, anyway.

I'll continue, as I'm sure all of us will; to be the same careful, watchful, mindful, and nurturing parent I've been able to be from the start.

Each time one of my little ones gives me a hug or kiss, I'm reassured that they're fully aware and appreciative of how much I love and care for them...that does worlds to help replace any potential fear I might even consider having.

Speak with you again next Saturday...

Stephanie Evans
Professional SAHM

Stephanie Evans and her husband, Bill, live in New Jersey with their three daughters who are ages five, three, and one. Stephanie has a B.S. degree in Music Education and taught Music for 11 years in the public school system. She loves children and enjoyed being a teacher, but she loves being a SAHM even more!

"That SAHM I am! That SAHM I am!"

Title: Professional SAHM (or SAHD)

Key Accomplishments: Provide senior leadership in the collaborative and coordinated logistics; public relations; activities; security; medical treatment; meal preparation; facility improvements, upgrades, and maintenance; budget development and administration; scheduling; goal-setting; daily instruction, and other varied functions as the need arises for the husband (or wife) and children I am happily responsible for.

Stay-At-Home-Moms (SAHMs) and Stay-at-Home-Dads (SAHDs) have no gaps in their work experience…

Hello LifelineExtensions.blog readers: I'm filling in for Stephanie this week, and wanted to share Easy Yoga Tips to Help De-Stress SAHMs and SAHDs…

It’s no secret or shock to hear that today’s SAHM and SAHD leads an extremely busy and sometimes stress-filled life.

Expending just as much or even more time and energy than they may have put into their careers and jobs outside of the home, into keeping things on par at home requires a 24-7, Sunday through Saturday, no-sick-leave allowed commitment.

SAHMs and SAHDs have to remember to make taking care of themselves part of their daily routines, lest they become sick and incapacitated; and virtually unable to muster up the energy to take care of anyone or anything.

The thought alone of having something like this happen can cause STRESS to our readers who are SAHMs or SAHDs (and even to those who are not)!

But, have no fear because help is on the way…the help comes in the form of very simple and easy-to-do YOGA EXERCISES for the always-busy SAHM and SAHD.

Yoga is a health & wellness practice which originated in India some 5,000 years ago. The breathing exercises, relaxation methods, postures, and poses are designed to help stabilize and sustain an individual’s mental and physical conditioning and state-of-being.

The short-term and long-term benefits of consistently and regularly practicing Yoga are evidenced both physically and mentally; which is something that’s good for the entire family.

Whether one practices the beginner, intermediate, or advanced techniques and methods; positive differences and improvements to one’s overall well-being will likely begin to be noticed within days.

So, all SAHMs, SAHDs, and non-SAHMS/SAHDs…it’s time to DE-STRESS, stabilize, and sustain a healthier level of mental and physical wellness!

Please take several moments to go through each of the links listed below – you owe it to yourself and to your family…

Be well & healthy,

Sharon M. Biggs, M.A.
Educational Leader

http://articlet.com/article2100.html

http://www.essortment.com/all/yogastressredu_rbue.htm

http://www.prlog.org/10291854-yoga-beginners-beginners-yoga-guide.html

http://family.go.com/parenting/article-mm-77659-yoga-destressor-t/

http://www.articlealley.com/article_903986_28.html

http://www.yogajournal.com/poses/finder/browse_categories?gclid=COiEiN7JkpwCFVRM5QodKGZ-ew

http://www.abc-of-yoga.com/yoga-and-health/yoga-for-tension-type-headache.asp

"That SAHM I am! That SAHM I am!"

Title: Professional SAHM

Key Accomplishments: Provide senior leadership in the collaborative and coordinated logistics; public relations; activities; security; medical treatment; meal preparation; facility improvements, upgrades, and maintenance; budget development and administration; scheduling; goal-setting; daily instruction, and other varied functions as the need arises for the husband and children I am happily responsible for.

Stay-At-Home-Moms (SAHMs) have no gaps in their work experience…



I was just thinking about “rules” and thought I’d share some thoughts with our readers.

A few years ago, when I was experiencing a little more than “the baby blues;” I was speaking with a trusted friend who gives me good counsel when I need it.

During the conversation I was asked to create a list of 10 rules I have for myself, and 10 rules my mother has for people. After developing the lists I was supposed to compare the two of them against each other.

What this friend was getting at was that we can’t always expect to follow everyone’s rules for us, and if we try to; we’ll make ourselves miserable (or crazy).

Whenever I would hear someone say, “I would never…” or “Everyone should…” I would immediately begin to stress out over something that I either did or didn’t do just because someone else seemed to think I should or shouldn’t be doing something.

I admit that I still do this from time to time, but I’m learning to talk myself out of it.

If someone says that her stove and sink always has to be clean regardless of what shape the rest of the house is in, I feel that I need to scour my stove and sink before that person comes to my house for a visit in order to avoid their judgment of my housekeeping skills.

One time a fellow SAHM told me that I have to be a good mom and take my kids to a popular children’s restaurant and funhouse. For months I thought to myself: I am a terrible mom because I’ve never taken my kids there.

Another SAHM once said, “If there’s one thing you make yourself, it HAS to be tomato sauce…you CAN’T buy jarred or canned sauce.”

As wrong as I was to think I was a bad mom for not having been to that restaurant and funhouse earlier, I was just as wrong to now feel validated because I almost always make my sauce from scratch.

A friend told me that she and her husband were told to NEVER let their baby use a pacifier because the baby would be an elementary school-aged child still using a pacifier.

They didn’t listen to this “advice” because knowing their baby’s needs, the pacifier was a good fit – and, they went ahead and purchased one in every possible color to go with the baby’s matching outfits!

At two, the baby decided to stop using the pacifier during the day once daycare started. By three, the couple was in fact able to wean the baby away from the pacifier that was now only being used for an occasional lull to sleep in the evenings.

All it took was a heart-to-heart talk with the youngster about entering preschool, growing up, having straight teeth, and a snipped-off pacifier top.

After a 5-minute cry, the child went to sleep that same night after the talk without the pacifier.
Two weeks later, the child couldn’t even recognize or identify what a pacifier was by looking at a picture of one in a magazine. Out of sight, out of mind.

So much for the “everyone shoulds” and the “I would nevers…”


Someone will always be better at something than the rest of us are. And, we will in turn be stronger in some other area that others seem to struggle in.

Each day I strive more and more to learn how to accept and be grateful for the gifts, talents, and strengths I’ve been blessed with. There is a time and a purpose for the use of my gifts and talents, different from the time and purpose for the use of someone else’s gifts and talents.

So, the rule I’m determined to follow, and to teach my daughters and others to follow is:

Always enjoy, embrace, and celebrate your own strengths and the strengths of others; and never allow yourself to feel judged, incapable, or too capable based on someone else’s thoughts or comments about what you do or don’t do when you know you’ve given it your all and tried your best – just be true to who you are…


Thanks for reading and listening to my thoughts this week. I hope this week’s message has helped someone who may have needed to hear it right about now.

I’ll speak with you again next Saturday…


Stephanie Evans
Professional SAHM


Stephanie Evans and her husband, Bill, live in New Jersey with their three daughters who are ages five, three, and one. Stephanie has a B.S. degree in Music Education and taught Music for 11 years in the public school system. She loves children and enjoyed being a teacher, but she loves being a SAHM even more!

"That SAHM I am! That SAHM I am!"

Title: Professional SAHM

Key Accomplishments: Provide senior leadership in the collaborative and coordinated logistics; public relations; activities; security; medical treatment; meal preparation; facility improvements, upgrades, and maintenance; budget development and administration; scheduling; goal-setting; daily instruction, and other varied functions as the need arises for the husband and children I am happily responsible for.

Stay-At-Home-Moms (SAHMs) have no gaps in their work experience…

One SAHM recently asked the following questions regarding other SAHMs:

Are any SAHMs taking classes or attending conferences to stay on top of their field of study for when (if) they decide to return to work outside of the home? What are some other things SAHMs are doing related to their professional skill-base while they’re home?


I decided to think about what my own response to those questions might be…

I’ve been out of my field of study for five years, and hope to remain at home for at least another four, so I haven’t really given much thought to preparing to return to work outside of the home.

But, I think if I were going to return soon, I might subscribe to any publications related to my field (for me that would be music educators’ journals). I would also plan to attend the annual conference for the New Jersey Music Educators’ Association.

I would certainly brush up on any skills, and research new music available for band and chorus. I’d try to read as much as possible and research on-line lesson plans appropriate for any classes I might possibly teach. Networking on electronic sites is also a great way to stay connected and get updated information about any new trends in your industry.

When I posed those same questions to other SAHMs I got a very enlightening variety of responses:

·Some SAHMs haven’t really thought about returning to work outside of the home because of the years they’d determined to be SAHMs.

·Others have taken part-time or half-time positions so they have flexible enough schedules to be home before their school-aged children get home from school. This has helped balance the time needed for any after-school or extra-curricular activities the kids may be involved in.

·Part-time and half-time positions might include working as a paraprofessional or instructional aide in your child’s school, working as a half-time teacher at the pre-school or kindergarten level, etc.

·Master’s Degrees have been completed by some SAHMs once the kids were all in school and they had morning hours free to attend classes.

·Another possible option seems to have become the completion of on-line courses and/or on-line degrees – the self-pacing aspect of this option might be appealing to individuals looking for a certain level of scheduling flexibility.

·Some SAHMs have started home businesses, while others have marketed their skills to act as consultants to already established businesses.

In a nutshell, there are really so many flexible possibilities when you have the benefit of a SAHM's “flexible schedule.”

I think above all I would just recommend thinking out-of-the-box about what works best for you and your family -- every SAHM's situation and degree of flexibility is so different from the next person's...

And, definitely continue to stay connected with other SAHMs to check in on what folks are doing.

Hopefully, these thoughts have helped trigger some helpful ideas for you. I’ll speak with you again next Saturday…

Stephanie Evans
Professional SAHM


Stephanie Evans and her husband, Bill, live in New Jersey with their three daughters who are ages five, three, and one. Stephanie has a B.S. degree in Music Education and taught Music for 11 years in the public school system. She loves children and enjoyed being a teacher, but she loves being a SAHM even more!

"That SAHM I am! That SAHM I am!"

Title: Professional SAHM

Key Accomplishments: Provide senior leadership in the collaborative and coordinated logistics; public relations; activities; security; medical treatment; meal preparation; facility improvements, upgrades, and maintenance; budget development and administration; scheduling; goal-setting; daily instruction, and other varied functions as the need arises for the husband and children I am happily responsible for.

Stay-At-Home-Moms (SAHMs) have no gaps in their work experience.

The idea that a SAHM is “not working” because she does not put on “Business Smart Attire” before leaving her home to commute to an outside place of employment, and then return home at the end of the day; is a very misinformed and outdated idea.

Recently, one headhunter had the following question asked by a SAHM who was attending a recruiting and hiring workshop at a local municipal facility: On my resume how do I address the fact that there are employment gaps because I haven’t been working since I’ve stayed home to raise my children?

Here’s how the recruiter responded:

“You don’t address that fact because you’ve never stopped working. Employers like receiving resumes where the person includes Child Care Provider as the career title, and follows that title with a cohesive description, written in sentence form, of the management-level responsibilities carried out by a Stay-At-Home-Mom. Don’t underestimate what you do as a child care provider. You do everything.”

I decided to take that absolute correct thought which needed to be said for the world to hear to the next level by interviewing a very close friend/sister who has chosen to be a SAHM.

Here’s what Stephanie had to say:

My outside-of-the-home professional background is that of a degreed Music Specialist, and I taught music at the elementary level in a public school for 11 years before having children. Once Bill and I decided to start a family we talked about me staying home for a year to raise our first child. I couldn’t wait to be a mom, and I was even more excited about being home with the baby.

What we thought would be one year has turned into five years after we had two more children. I am now a SAHM raising three girls under the age of five. No one can tell me for a moment that I am not working – I’m not only working during the daytime hours, but I work 24-7!


So, here goes as I begin the first of these weekly Saturday blogs.


Not long ago, my good friend and sister, Sharon, said to me:

“Hey Lil’ Sis, I want to include a weekly blog from a SAHM’s point of view for LifelineExtension’s readers and I think you’re just the person to do this -- think about it and let me know what you think.”

Knowing my friend/sister for this many years, and having worked with her as fellow teachers in an elementary school; told me that the figuring out of how in the world this would be done had already taken place in Sharon’s mind. And, that I really didn’t need to feel scared or anxious about it because Sharon would be right by my side the whole time like she always has been whenever there’s been something huge I was facing.

But, in keeping with the honesty that blended us together as friends in the first place; here’s what I said:

I feel overwhelmed most days at home, and I know that's why you're asking me to do this. There has to be a much better SAHM you can ask! I feel like I have so much to do to get my act together.

I was up around 3:30 with the baby, came back downstairs while I waited for her to fall asleep, read your email, started responding, then my middle girl was up (bad dream I think). While I was sitting on her bed I had so many thoughts about this...scared, under-qualified, excited, I NEED to do this, there's NO WAY I can do this, and the list goes on!

Let me try to go back to sleep (I probably only have another hour before my eldest gets up for the day). When you said Saturday, did you mean TODAY or next Saturday???????????????????????????????????????????????????????

I could see Sharon’s smiling eyes through the response she sent to me: “Sis, you are so wonderful. You’ve already written the first blog for “That SAHM I am! That SAHM I am!” at 4:15 this morning. I’ll put together your thoughts in the blog and then e-mail it to you so we can make any quick edits before I publish. Your raw honesty is just what our readers need. I love you.”

Sharon also said to me: “Steph, in reading your posts on another site you seem to be one person in your SAHM circle of friends who will just say it. Then, the responses are never-ending! It's as if everyone was thinking it, but they just didn't know how to say it, or they didn't know if it would be okay to say it. You often open the door for the reply threads to happen.”

My guess is this may be what Sharon is talking about…yesterday evening I posted something about taking my 3 & 5 year olds to a children’s restaurant and funhouse that the kids all love, and the parents all seem to dread.

The responses that followed were hilarious! There was talk about never having gone and not being sure if the person would ever do so; another person was glad there was not a funhouse next to their home; a reminder came from others to first shop for anti-bacterial soap, headache medicine, and rat poison; someone else told me the kids would love it but that I would cringe!

I laughed so hard when I got back with the girls and got a chance to read the reply threads! Then, I added:

LOL to all the comments! Of course I didn't even think to bring anti-bacterial soap until I was already there...was so grossed out about the thought of them eating after playing...when we got home we all scrubbed (and scrubbed, and scrubbed some more) and I still felt the germs crawling all over me!!! They loved it. It is only 5 minutes from our house (we went for a birthday party), and it’s in the same shopping center I go to for other stores so they will see it every week. My eldest was actually a little scared of the mascot but I saw a side of her I’d never seen before…so concerned for my second child…where she was, what she was doing, making sure she didn’t get hurt…I think the middle one’s fall in early June affected my eldest more than I realized…they were very sweet together…Sharon, maybe you’re right…I could keep writing but this is long enough for a comment…

So, I’ll speak with all the LifelineExtensions.blog readers again next Saturday. Sharon and I actually put this week’s blog together because after all, that’s what sisters do for each other so the load isn’t too heavy for either one of them…

“That SAHM I am! That SAHM I am!” And, I love every minute of it…yes, even the stressful moments!

Stephanie Evans
Professional SAHM


Stephanie Evans and her husband, Bill, live in New Jersey with their three daughters who are ages five, three, and one. Stephanie has a B.S. degree in Music Education and taught Music for 11 years in the public school system. She loves children and enjoyed being a teacher, but she loves being a SAHM even more!