Silent Speaking or Verbal Listening...

One discussion topic guaranteed to trigger a lot of head nods, laughs out loud, and friendly debate is the issue of communication differences between men and women.

It's been said that from a very young age female children already begin learning how to be more verbal than their male counterparts. Varying studies have been conducted, with some indicating a 20,000 daily word average for women vs. a 7,000 daily word average for men!

While under typical circumstances both genders become communicative beings, the differences seen in why men communicate vs. why women communicate can be significant. For example, men communicate oftentimes to either collect or give information. Women, on the other hand, frequently communicate to build relationships.

There have been countless studies and journal articles focused on these communication differences; with brands of "how-to" and "do not practice this at home" plastered all over the Internet and other research sources.

One thing all of the research seems to agreeably show is that men and women do indeed communicate differently; so recognizing and understanding these differences paves the way for much more smooth flowing communication between the two genders.

A number of years ago while sifting through some of the research for a graduate school assignment; one recurring theme seemed to me to be highlighted: silent speaking and verbal listening.

So, I did what I always do when I'm trying to wrap my mind around a complicated and convoluted idea; I wrote a poem about it in an attempt to sum up what I believed to be the major differences to point out.

I've changed some of the text so that the poem flows better for the purposes of this blog, but here goes:

Keep Me Silent Through My Speaking So I Can Hear You...

~ sharonmariabiggs, 2005 ~

In the quiet of my inner noise I hear you speaking clearly to me.

Help me stay silent when my speaking becomes noisy so that I can hear your voice, instead.

Because the resonating syllables of your verbal listening

Give strength and confidence to my weakened areas.

You speak, and I'll listen.

I'll speak, and you'll hear me.

Help me stay silent through my speaking so I can hear you.

Listen so that you guide my words to build up another person.

And, I'll lead your words to help someone reach their destiny.

Your words are able to provide light to the dark areas of

Who I was, and am, and will be.

When I speak through your dimness, I can hear you.

When we speak beyond each other's weaknesses we both gain power.

I'm silent so that you can speak through your listening.

You're silent so that I can hear through my speaking.

Together our sounds of peace unravel into a melodious web.

Communication involves active listening, active speaking, active hearing, and active silence.

Sometimes simply practicing a little bit of silent speaking and verbal listening is all it takes to rebuild communication that's been temporarily broken down.

Sharon M. Biggs, M.A.

Educational Leader

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